Miscellaneous

Traditional Family Earspin

By Anne Skove, Esq.

Thanksgiving often means spending time with family and honoring traditions. Our very notion of "family" is fraught with tradition. But would we recognize a traditional family if one invited us over?

Professor Stephanie Coontz has two things to say about this: one, our concepts about what constitutes traditional family are misguided (at best), and two, traditional families were nothing to write home about anyway.

In Coontz's hands, family myths shatter like plates against a wall during a nasty argument. Polygamy, lopsided divorce policies (e.g., men could, women couldn't), and the lack of property (or other) rights for women all made for not-so-happy days. Marriage was a business and/or political agreement between families. Do we miss that type of arrangement? (Uh, feel free not to answer!)

As for the separation of church and marriage, Coontz tells the story about a pope who wanted to decree that the only recognized marriages would be those which had taken place in a church. Some kind advisor whispered to him that this wouldn't be such a good idea, as the moment the plan went into effect the majority of children in Europe would be illegitimate.

In fact, Coontz says the real breakdown of the institution of marriage came when we destigmatized illegitimacy. So it's already come and gone. We got rid of illegitimacy laws and policies for good reason -- children shouldn't suffer for their parents' choices. Sometimes the good reasons come with bad side effects, such as a soaring divorce rate.

Why do people wax nostalgic for the 1950s? It's not the racism, the isolation of women to the home (many had worked throughout WWII), or the hairdos. Yet (we're told), many do long for the time when Richie and Potsie could hang out at Arnold's without fear of thugs (Fonzie wasn't really a thug) or societal evils.

The irony? Those who pine for the stability of postwar years refuse to re-institute the programs that made that stability possible. Citing expansive veterans' benefits, high taxes for the wealthy and corporations, home financing, affirmative action, and public works spending, Coontz argues handily that working-class people had real hope of advancement.

Whether you celebrated with hand-picked family, friends, neighbors, just your sweet self or a large group from the community, whether you had an 18-lb. turkey or tofu surprise, be ye pilgrim or native, court-o-rama wishes everyone a Happy Thanksgiving (or harvest festival of your choice)!

Full post as published by court-o-rama.org on November 27, 2008 (boomark / email).