Law Humor

Banana Seized

Posted on August 20, 2010
There are the usual unfortunate banana-related puns in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer's report on this incident, and I am sparing you those, but it does contain the excellent sentence: "The banana costume was seized as evidence." The incident also involved shotgun-brandishing...

City Council in Illinois May Ban Eye-Rolling

Posted on August 19, 2010
Sources reported recently that the city council of Elmhurst, Ill., had asked its attorney to research various definitions of "disorderly conduct," in the course of considering possible changes to rules of decorum in city council meetings. The move was prompted...

Geek Squad Sends Cease-and-Desist Letter to God Squad

Posted on August 18, 2010
The Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports that Best Buy, the owner of the "Geek Squad" trademark for its gang of computer troubleshooters who make house calls to do basic computer maintenance for what some (me, at least) consider utterly outrageous prices, has...

Convicted Terrorist's Demand for High-Fiber Diet is Rejected

Posted on August 18, 2010
Let's all shed a tear, shall we, for Terry Nichols, who is not only serving a life sentence for conspiracy and manslaughter in the Oklahoma City bombing but is also subjected to a diet unconstitutionally low in fiber. That's what...

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Two Important Tips for Taking Your Driver's Test

Posted on August 17, 2010
(1) The brake is on the left, the gas is on the right. (2) There is no parking within the DMV building. I guess that might be three tips. Link: FAIL Blog Link: KREM.com (original report)

Blagojevich Convicted on One of 24 Counts

Posted on August 17, 2010
The jury in the trial of former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich has, after two weeks of deliberating, managed to agree on exactly one of the 24 counts alleged in the indictment. The jury apparently agreed that Blagojevich lied to federal...

Laughing in Courtroom Leads to Felony Charge

Posted on August 16, 2010
There are occasionally times when laughing out loud in court is okay, but they are all too rare. Importantly, the odds that it is okay to do this go way down if you are the only one laughing. A station...

Paris Hilton Sued for Wearing Wrong Hair Extensions

Posted on August 13, 2010
A company that makes hair extensions is suing Paris Hilton for $35 million, alleging that she breached an agreement to wear and promote its product. Hilton was apparently paid $3.5 million to promote extensions made by Hairtech International Inc., but...

Asterisks Don't Make Expletives Okay, According to F**king Bureaucrats

Posted on August 13, 2010
According to the Advertising Standards Authority, the UK's advertising watchdog agency, it is not okay to use expletives in advertising even if asterisks or other symbols are used to replace some of the letters. The ASA ruled on August 11...

Patent No. 4,656,917: Eddie Van Halen's Guitar Support

Posted on August 12, 2010
It's actually just called "Musical instrument support," but the inventor is indeed "Van Halen, Edward L.," of Los Angeles, California. The present invention relates in general to a stabilizing support for a musical instrument of the type having a body...

UPDATE: Suspect Who Tried to Eat Interrogation Notes Gets Eight Years

Posted on August 10, 2010
Clifton Taylor, as you may recall from this post in February, was not only The Suspect Who Tried to Eat the Interrogation Notes but also The Fleeing Bank Robber Who Ditched His Jacket Only to Realize Later He Had Left...

TIP: Avoid Interview Statements Contrary to What You Said at Your Sentencing Hearing

Posted on August 10, 2010
On Monday, a federal judge denied William Lerach's request to teach a law-school class to satisfy a community-service requirement, saying that he was not convinced that Lerach had been truthful when he expressed remorse at his sentencing hearing. According to...

Patent No. 3,216,423: Apparatus for Facilitating the Birth of a Child by Centrifugal Force

Posted on August 09, 2010
Why yes, it is just what it sounds like: [T]here is provided rotatable apparatus capable of subjecting the mother and the fetus to a centrifugal force directed to assist and supplement the efforts of the mother so that such centrifugal...

Senator Is the Only Contributor to His Legal Defense Fund

Posted on August 06, 2010
Nevada Sen. John Ensign, who is facing legal and ethics investigations that ultimately stem from an affair he had with the wife of an aide, set up a legal defense fund in May to help defray his mounting legal expenses....

County Apologizes for Shutting Down Unlicensed Lemonade Stand

Posted on August 06, 2010
In the future, county health department workers should use "professional discretion" when enforcing permit requirements, said Jeff Cogan, county chairman in Multnomah County, Oregon. He was responding to criticism over the department's decision last week to crack down on Julie...

Feds: Body-Scanner Images Cannot Be Saved, Except for These 35,000

Posted on August 05, 2010
Previously: "The machines have zero storage capability," and there is "no way to save, transmit, or print the image." August 4: "[A]pproximately 35,314 images . . . have been stored" on just one machine at one federal courthouse in Florida,...

Elvis Presley Running for Governor of Arkansas

Posted on August 05, 2010
I thought he was currently located in Tennessee, but I admit I have not followed his career that closely. An Elvis-Presley-impersonator named Elvis Presley filed with the Arkansas Secretary of State on Wednesday as a write-in candidate for governor. He...

Need a Tie-Breaker Provision? Consider Rock, Paper, Scissors

Posted on August 03, 2010
The provision below, which describes a procedure for resolving a voting deadlock, was sent to me by someone who said it was an actual provision in a company's operating agreement. Actually, I was at least fifth in the chain of...

Tip: Best to Post Bail With Real Money

Posted on August 02, 2010
Mistakes made by Ronald White of Camden, New Jersey, on July 7: Shoplifted. Got caught shoplifting. Posted bail with counterfeit $20 bills. Returned to the police station the next day. Told police he "paid too much money on his bail...

Reasons Not to Represent Yourself, #73

Posted on July 31, 2010
I have mentioned this case before, but am re-posting it because I decided to add it to the Case Law Hall of Fame. It mostly speaks for itself: Briefly stated, the facts are as follows: In the early morning of...

Spanx Bandit Apprehended

Posted on July 30, 2010
"This was a really bizarre disguise," said Brandon Clabes, police chief of Midwest City, Oklahoma. He was referring to the Spanx stretch girdle that a woman wore as a mask when robbing an Oklahoma McDonald's this week. "I wasn't sure...

Plaintiffs Claim Reading on iPad Is Not "Just Like Reading a Book"

Posted on July 29, 2010
A class-action lawsuit filed last week claims that Apple is guilty of fraud and consumer-law violations because the iPad may shut down under certain "environmental conditions." Specifically, Jacob Baltazar and two other plaintiffs claim that the device may overheat and...

From the Docket: A Trip-and-Fall-and-Slip-and-Fall-and-Fall Case

Posted on July 29, 2010
Filed recently in Pleasanton, California: Merwin v. Raley's, et al., No. VG10-527672 (Alameda County Super. Ct. filed July 27, 2010) Premises liability action where the plaintiff fell when her foot got stuck on a piece of tape on the floor...

New Forbes Column Defends the Right to Roll Your Eyes at Elected Officials

Posted on July 29, 2010
Every American who cares about his or her right to engage in eye-rolling, loud sighing, the making of faces, and the fashioning of other traditional signs of exasperation in the presence of elected officials should read my latest Forbes column,...

Assorted Stupidity #3

Posted on July 27, 2010
In February, a dispute over pet turkeys led to a $4.25 million verdict in Hilton Head, South Carolina. Robert and Jennifer Klippel admitted they stole seven turkeys from Ralph Dupps' yard, but said the birds were a nuisance and should...

Warning: Sharp Thing May Cut Hand

Posted on July 26, 2010
Here's a case report describing a recent filing in San Francisco County: Brendan H__ v. KatachiSF Inc. dba Katachi, No. CGC-10-501116 (San Francisco Super. Ct. filed 6/28/10). Personal injury action in which the defendants failed to warn the plaintiff that...

Mugging Outside Ninja School Goes Poorly

Posted on July 24, 2010
Unfortunate for society: you are willing to assault another person in order to steal his iPod. Unfortunate for you: the location you choose for the assault is just outside the local "ninja warrior school." A 27-year-old medical student was attacked...

Anti-Hooting Law Passes in South Carolina

Posted on July 23, 2010
WCIV News in Charleston reports that the town council of Sullivan's Island did indeed pass the proposed noise ordinance I mentioned the other day, meaning that it is now officially illegal to hoot, yell, shout, whistle and/or sing at any...

BP Rig's Alarm System Was "In Inhibited Mode" Before Explosion, Tech Says

Posted on July 23, 2010
Michael Williams, who was the chief electronics technician on the Deepwater Horizon rig while it was still above water, told a federal panel today that a critical alarm system on the rig had been in "inhibited mode" for a year...

Department of Homeland Security Deploys Ogre-Protection Force

Posted on July 22, 2010
Please fill in the blank in the following sentence, which recently came out of the mouth of John Morton, Assistant Secretary for Homeland Security: The reason the Department of Homeland Security is protecting ______ is because we are all about...

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