Law Humor

Clarification: Monkey v. Ape

Posted on October 20, 2008
While I dearly wish that "Monkey v. Ape" was the name of a reported case, or maybe something you might be able to see on pay-per-view, here I am using the phrase to refer to a question raised this weekend...

Father Has Son Prosecuted for Laziness

Posted on October 18, 2008
The Nigerian state news agency reported on October 17 that a frustrated father had hauled his 20-year-old son into court and asked that the boy be prosecuted for idleness. The person who sent me this item said he has printed...

Faked Evidence Fails to Conceal Ape's Whereabouts

Posted on October 17, 2008
A California man is in trouble again after failing to comply with a court order to give up his monkey and doctoring evidence to make it appear he had done so. Authorities said David Grigorian pleaded guilty earlier this year...

Fashion Heir Fights Like "Man Possessed" on Air France Flight

Posted on October 17, 2008
Mathias Guerrand-Hermès, described as the "heir to French fashion house Hermès" and a "transatlantic polo organizer and financier," whatever that means, was arrested for air rage on October 16 after a drunken mid-air brawl. The fight ended with Guerrand-Hermès cuffed...

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. . . And Equal Time to the Other Guy

Posted on October 16, 2008
Since I posted an admittedly unfair but comical photo of Senator McCain, in the interest of neutrality here's an admittedly unfair but comical photo of Senator Obama too: Everybody looks stupid in bowling shoes, but this may have been the...

Why We Wait For All Cameras to Leave the Room

Posted on October 16, 2008
You have to sympathize with someone letting off a little steam after what had to be an incredibly stressful event, but still: Turns out McCain was just reacting to having started to walk off stage in the wrong direction, but...

Well, It Sounded Like "Rodent" to Me

Posted on October 16, 2008
From the archives, here's an appellate ruling on a claim of error by the defendant, Mr. Roden: "Appellant asserts that the prosecutor referred to him as 'Mr. Rodent' on at least three occasions. This claim is unsupported by the record."...

Case Against God Dismissed; Plaintiff Considering Appeal

Posted on October 16, 2008
Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers suffered a setback this week in his lawsuit against God, when a Douglas County judge dismissed the case. Judge Marlon Polk said Chambers had produced no evidence that he had been able to accomplish service...

Florida Couple Secedes

Posted on October 15, 2008
Apparently not knowing that their entire state tried this about 150 years ago, and that it turned out badly, Florida couple Joel and Donna Brinkle have declared themselves independent and claim they are not subject to the authority of the...

"Mail Goggles" Designed to Prevent Regrettable Emails

Posted on October 14, 2008
Here's another great idea being tested by Google Labs. As many of you may know from bitter experience, the well-known phenomenon of "drunk dialing" has been partly replaced by drunk emailing, although the latter is worse because the email evidence...

"Lowering the Bar" in Vegas

Posted on October 13, 2008
Thanks to everyone at my firm, Shook, Hardy and Bacon, for letting me do the live version of "Lowering the Bar" at our firm's retreat this past weekend in Henderson, Nevada (just outside Vegas), and for not throwing anything especially...

Cast of Thousands Fails to Generate "Plain English" Order

Posted on October 09, 2008
Here's another one from the archives:[The Court asked counsel to] prepare a "plain English" version of the injunctive order, which the Court could then substitute for the somewhat convoluted order still in place. . . . In response, [counsel] submitted...

Court Dismisses Claim Alleging That Plaintiff Had Less Fun As Brunette

Posted on October 09, 2008
A judge in Connecticut has granted summary judgment in favor of L'Oreal, dismissing the claims of a woman who alleged emotional distress due to becoming a brunette. Charlotte Feeney claimed that she bought a tube of permanent hair color in...

Italian Lawyer Changed Places With Twin; Both Charged With Fraud

Posted on October 08, 2008
The last identical-twin-swap story I wrote about involved two sisters who changed places when one had a final exam and a probation hearing on the same day. That got them in trouble, but at least they weren't lawyers. Italian newspapers...

Touched by an Angel

Posted on October 07, 2008
In court papers filed last week, attorneys for John LaVoie, pastor of the "Church of Liberty" in Tucson, Arizona, argued that the civil-forfeiture proceeding against LaVoie is unconstitutional because it violates his right to freedom of religion. Specifically, they said...

O.J. Simpson Convicted of Murder

Posted on October 05, 2008
He was actually charged with stealing some footballs, and I suppose it is possible that this jury was upset about that crime. Remotely possible. Still, note to self: if acquitted of double murder in controversial case, avoid writing book called...

Mascot Badgerer Pleads Guilty

Posted on October 02, 2008
I can understand not wanting to leave Shea Stadium, but don't take it out on the mascot. A 32-year-old man who was accused of harassing "Mr. Met" at a game back in May has pleaded guilty, the NY Daily News...

I Am Sorry

Posted on October 01, 2008
I am sorry that Mr. Murphrey had to go through what he describes in this letter. I am sorry that attorneys sometimes act unprofessionally and even childishly. I am sorry that I did not have a chance to post this...

Superbad Popcorn Lawsuit Dismissed

Posted on October 01, 2008
A judge in Manhattan Civil Court has dismissed a lawsuit filed by a man who claimed he hurt his tooth on an unpopped popcorn kernel while watching "Superbad" last year. Steve Kaplan had sued the AMC-Lincoln Square Cinema where he...

Woman In Cow Suit Charged With Disorderly Conduct

Posted on September 30, 2008
According to reports, a woman in Middletown, Ohio, was charged with disorderly conduct on Monday for a string of disturbances she caused while wearing a cow suit. The woman allegedly chased children around her neighborhood, urinated on a neighbor's front...

What Could Possibly Explain the Market Crisis?

Posted on September 30, 2008
Now that the bailout has gone down in flames, and the nation's soup kettles are starting to heat up, it is worth taking a moment to wonder why so many people seem to be wondering how this all came about....

"Seinfeld" Episode Used to Illustrate Duty of Good Faith

Posted on September 30, 2008
Admitting he was "perhaps an unlikely legal illustrator," the Maryland Court of Appeals recently cited Jerry Seinfeld to illustrate the contractual and fiduciary duty of "good faith." The case, Clancy v. King, is not especially notable otherwise, except maybe because...

Another Option for Keeping Control of Your Courtroom: Duct Tape

Posted on September 29, 2008
Here's another one from the archive, showing why it's a bad idea to cause a Texas judge to lose his patience with you: (Whereupon, the following proceedings were held outside the presence and hearing of the jury.) COURT: All right....

Still More Comical Case Names

Posted on September 29, 2008
Schmuck v. United States, 489 U.S. 705 (1989). United States v. Approximately 64,695 Pounds of Shark Fins, No. 05-56274 (9th Cir. Mar. 17, 2008).

Millionaire Claims Ghosts Caused Him to Flee His Mortgage, I Mean Mansion

Posted on September 26, 2008
I wrote that post yesterday about Stambovsky forgetting that I also had this one in the pipeline. I was sort of kidding about that case coming in handy for those who might need a reason to bail out of a...

More Comical Case Names

Posted on September 25, 2008
Now added to this growing list: Easter Seals Society for Crippled Children v. Playboy Enterprises, 815 F.2d 323 (5th Cir. 1987). Julius Goldman's Egg City v. United States, 464 U.S. 814 (1983). I Am The Beast Six Six Six of...

Case Law Hall of Fame: "As a Matter of Law, the House is Haunted"

Posted on September 25, 2008
Here's a worthwhile addition to the Hall of Fame that may just come in handy these days as well. In Stambovsky v. Ackley, New York's Appellate Division held in 1991 that a homebuyer could try to get out of a...

Man With 86 Wives Will Have 86 Lawyers

Posted on September 25, 2008
Human-rights groups in Nigeria say they have "mobilized" dozens of lawyers to help defend a man who has been threatened with death for having too many wives. Bello Masaba, a preacher from the town of Bidda, in a Muslim majority...

Attorney Who Bartered With Stripper Client is Suspended

Posted on September 24, 2008
In October, Illinois attorney Scott Erwin will begin a 15-month suspension that was imposed by the state bar for alleged misconduct involving a client. A female client who worked as an exotic dancer charged that Erwin had touched her inappropriately....

Florida Cops Taser Naked Dog-Walker; Claim It Was "The Only Way"

Posted on September 23, 2008
Some say that Tasers are a step forward because it is good for police to have more non-lethal options, while some argue that they are too risky because police tend to resort to the Taser even when it isn't really...

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