Law Humor

Draft Law Precludes Any Review of Government Bailout Decisions

Posted on September 22, 2008
Here's my summary (which I know you've been waiting for) of the proposed mortgage-bailout legislation: The Secretary of the Treasury is authorized to purchase "mortgage-related assets from any financial institution having its headquarters in the United States...

Inmate Sues For Injuries Sustained During Escape Attempt

Posted on September 22, 2008
In January, Scott Gomez Jr. sued officials in Colorado after he was injured at the Pueblo County jail. More specifically, he was injured while trying to escape from the Pueblo County jail. But if you're thinking that he claimed in...

Amusing Case Names, #1

Posted on September 22, 2008
Vacation (or the impending end of it, anyway) is also a good excuse to clean out the archives. Here's a case name I always liked: United States v. 11 1/4 Dozen Packages of Articles Labeled in Part Mrs. Moffat?s Shoo-Fly...

McCain Ruled (Probably) Natural-Born U.S. Citizen

Posted on September 19, 2008
Another issue I was writing about last month was the continuing uncertainty over what it takes to be a "natural-born citizen," which is a constitutional limitation on who can serve as President. Both campaigns have now survived at least one...

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Good Reason to Kill #59: Insisted on Riding "Shotgun"

Posted on September 19, 2008
This doesn't beat #23 (Used the Last Roll of Toilet Paper) or #47 (Argued Over Yahtzee Rules), and it was only an attempted killing, but it does deserve to be on the list. On September 16, police in Shreveport, Louisiana,...

Americans Still Struggling With Pants

Posted on September 18, 2008
I'm back from Greece, without much to report in terms of legal developments there, at least during the last 2500 years or so. Not that they didn't come up with some interesting stuff, like ostracizing unpopular politicians for ten years...

First Arrest for Baggy-Pants-Ordinance Violation

Posted on September 15, 2008
If anyone has noticed the reduced number of posts here lately, that is only because I am in Greece on vacation and the Internet here apparently operates by mule. In a few days I should be back in the country...

Goats Freed From Congo Jail

Posted on September 10, 2008
A herd of goats has managed to escape justice after a government official found them sitting in jail in Kinshasa, capital of the Democratic Republic of Congo. Deputy Justice Minister Claude Nyamugabo said he was on a routine visit to...

"Heated," "Tense" Proceedings in Battle Over Cost of Hilary Duff's Birthday Party

Posted on September 07, 2008
In case you haven't been closely following the domestic life of the Duff family, the parents of pop stars Hilary and Haylie Duff are getting divorced, a process that they have apparently been engaged in for many years. The latest...

Start Your Legal Plate Collection Today

Posted on September 04, 2008
Do you have a complete set of Jose Arcadio Klein's legal-themed plates yet? If not, why not? I guess a complete set would take up a lot of room in your office (there are a lot), but you should get...

Officer: Sex With Hookers Was Part of My Job, Unenjoyable

Posted on September 03, 2008
An officer who was suspended from the Beaumont, Texas, police department for having sex with prostitutes while on duty testified that he did so only because it was part of his job, and that he certainly did not enjoy it....

Witch Pardoned

Posted on August 29, 2008
The government of Glarus, a canton in eastern Switzerland, has officially exonerated Anna Goeldi, who had the bad luck to be the last person executed in Europe after being charged with witchcraft. This was in 1782, almost one hundred years...

Beijing "Protest Parks" Go Remarkably Unused

Posted on August 28, 2008
Sources reported last week that, although Chinese officials had named three Beijing parks as "protest zones" for use during the Olympics, surprisingly no protests were staged in any of them. The Xinhua news agency said that 77 applications to demonstrate...

Tax Tip: Income Earned In Antarctica May Not Be Deductible

Posted on August 28, 2008
A recent report advises U.S. citizens that, although up to $80,000 of income earned in a "foreign country" can normally be excluded from taxable income, that does not apply if you earned the money in Antarctica. Antarctica, which is not...

UPDATE: Cloned-Dog Owner Wanted in Tennessee

Posted on August 27, 2008
Authorities in Tennessee said last week that Joyce McKinney, the former beauty queen who stalked, kidnapped and assaulted a Mormon missionary, jumped bail by disguising herself as a member of a deaf-mute theater troupe, and then surfaced three decades later...

Court Affirms Verdict Against Lawyer for Affair With Client's Wife

Posted on August 26, 2008
Somewhere in the top half of the long list of Bad Ideas is this one: have an affair with a client. Much closer to the top of that list is this one: have an affair with a client who is...

TRO Denied; Obama Can Still Run -- For Now

Posted on August 25, 2008
The Obama campaign is probably breathing a big sigh of relief now that the motion for temporary restraining order sought by Philip J. Berg, Esquire, has been denied. Berg, who says he is a Democrat (and presumably a Clinton supporter),...

Amateur Ninjas Say They Were Sending "Message to Drug Dealers"

Posted on August 25, 2008
According to reports on August 21, police said they had arrested two young men dressed as ninjas and carrying a variety of ninja-type armament such as bows, knives, throwing stars, swords, and nunchuks. The men, aged 20 and 19, were...

Exxon Punitives Case May Be Litigated Until Earth Consumed by Dying Sun

Posted on August 22, 2008
That might be a slight exaggeration, but it does appear that the Exxon case, which has already been pending for nearly twenty years, will be around for a few more. As many of you may know, earlier this year the...

Immigration Agency Announces End of Innovative Self-Deportation Program

Posted on August 22, 2008
Sources reported today (August 22) that the federal government would be ending Operation "Scheduled Departure," an innovative pilot program under which illegal immigrants would have up to 90 days to leave the country on their own initiative. Under the program,...

Pennsylvania Man Convicted of Aggravated Gnome-Hurling

Posted on August 21, 2008
Charles Morrison, 31, of Greensburg, Pa., was convicted on August 19 of charges including felonious aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, according to a report in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. The deadly weapon: a two-pound garden gnome. Morrison's 16-year-old stepdaughter told...

Ice-Cream Killer Pleads Guilty in Exchange for Picnic

Posted on August 19, 2008
On August 6, Tremayne Durham was sentenced to life in prison for the murder of an Oregon man in 2006. Durham, who either realized he had a weak case or was just really hungry, agreed to plead guilty in exchange...

Knights Templar v. Pope Benedict XVI, et al.

Posted on August 19, 2008
The Daily Telegraph reported last week that the Knights Templar, or at least a group that claims to be the heirs of the Knights Templar, had sued Pope Benedict XVI. The lawsuit, filed by the Association of the Sovereign Order...

Batman Ties Up Traffic In Fathers' Rights Protest

Posted on August 15, 2008
Speaking of bats (like I was Thursday), another one showed up today, this one on a highway sign over the M25 motorway in England, near Heathrow. Dressed as Batman, 48-year-old Geoffrey Hibbert said he was roosting on the sign as...

McCain Sued by Jackson Browne Over Use of "Running on Empty"

Posted on August 14, 2008
John McCain's latest campaign ad continues the pop-culture theme of his Britney/Paris ad, this time using the song "Running on Empty" to mock Obama for proposing gas conservation through tire inflation. That's my song, said Jackson Browne, who is not...

Lawsuit Alleges Bat Exposure

Posted on August 14, 2008
Seems like bats are everywhere these days. While one of them is setting box-office records, a bunch of others are allegedly tormenting Utah schoolchildren. So says a recent lawsuit against the Alpine School District, alleging that bats infested the school...

UPDATE: Judge Halverson Defeated in Primary Election

Posted on August 13, 2008
Embattled Nevada judge Elizabeth Halverson, who as you may recall has been under investigation for some time based on charges that she mistreated staff, improperly met with jurors, fell asleep on the bench, and so on, was soundly defeated in...

Paris Hilton Sued For Insufficient Publicity

Posted on August 13, 2008
You wouldn't think anyone would have a cause of action against Paris Hilton for not getting enough publicity, but Worldwide Entertainment Group is claiming that it does. Worldwide was apparently the entity responsible for "National Lampoon's Pledge This!," a 2006...

Court Overturns Law That Mandated 50% Good News

Posted on August 13, 2008
A Romanian law that required at least half of all news broadcasts to be comprised of "good news" has been struck down by that country's constitutional court. Whether that is good news or bad news depends on who you ask....

Naked Cowboy Arrested in San Francisco

Posted on August 12, 2008
You win some, you lose some. Less than a month after successfully defeating a motion to dismiss his trademark lawsuit against the maker of M&Ms, New York's "Naked Cowboy" Robert Burck was arrested in San Francisco when he tried to...

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