Law Humor

Man Who Posed As Lawyer "Seemed To Know What He Was Talking About," Say Colleagues

Posted on August 19, 2009
Howard Kieffer practiced law for years in at least ten different states, specializing in federal criminal defense. That seems like an impressive number of states until you learn that he did not all get bogged down in taking the bar...

Church Sued For "Enabling" Addicts By Feeding Them

Posted on August 18, 2009
Ah, the pro se plaintiff . . . the gift that keeps on giving. Justin Collins v. Glide Memorial Methodist Church, No. CGC-09-491480 (San Francisco Super. Ct., filed Aug. 14, 2009) Negligence action. The defendant enables drug addicts by feeding...

Next On "Dancing With The Stars": Tom DeLay

Posted on August 18, 2009
Former GOP leader Tom DeLay, who retired from Congress in 2006 after being indicted on still-pending money-laundering charges, is back. He will be appearing on the next season of "Dancing with the Stars." Yes, it is sometimes impossible to tell...

Russian Court Says U.S. Band Needs License to Play Its Own Songs

Posted on August 17, 2009
On June 15, a court in the Russian city of Rostov-on-Don (not to be confused with the other Rostov, which is not on Don), fined the U.S. band Deep Purple after finding that the band had illegally performed copyrighted songs...

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Murder Convicted Of Murder

Posted on August 14, 2009
In a not-shocking development in this now-seven-year-old drama, rapper Corey Miller has been convicted for a second time of the 2002 murder of a fan at a nightclub in Harvey, Louisiana. Miller was originally convicted in September 2003, but a...

Fall of the Republic, #137

Posted on August 13, 2009
True or false: this person was once elected governor of a major American state. Is the "Jailhouse Rock" joke too obvious? Oh, well: Blagojevich, who has steadfastly refused to lay low while awaiting trial on corruption charges, should probably start....

Oprah Stole My Poetry, Man Claims In $1 Trillion Lawsuit

Posted on August 12, 2009
In July, Damon Goffe sued Oprah Winfrey in federal court, alleging that Winfrey had infringed his copyright in a series of poems. Goffe demanded 1.2 trillion dollars ($1,200,000,000,000) in damages for what were, presumably, the greatest poems in the universe,...

Woman Claims Display Was So Distracting, She Fell Over It

Posted on August 11, 2009
I haven't read the complaint, but at first glance this doesn't seem to make a lot of sense: Lindsay Ross v. Dollar Tree Stores Inc., No. SCV245445 (Santa Clara Super. Ct. July 10, 2009). Slip and fall. The plaintiff was...

Cat Blamed For Pornography

Posted on August 10, 2009
Police in Florida say a man accused of possessing child pornography has claimed that his cat downloaded the material while he was in the other room. The officers immediately apologized for the intrusion and everyone laughed about the crazy things...

Driver Who Was Texting And Talking While Driving Ends Up Swimming

Posted on August 10, 2009
At this point, unfortunately, charges based on texting while driving are not especially newsworthy. Charges based on texting while driving while also talking on a second phone at the same time while driving a tow truck are a different story,...

Cyclists Get More Room To Ride, Increased Taunt Protection

Posted on August 06, 2009
In what I personally find to be a very disturbing development, it is now illegal in Louisiana to taunt someone who is riding a bicycle. It is also illegal in at least two states to throw something at such a...

BREAKING: Jefferson Convicted of Bribery, Storing Cash in Freezer

Posted on August 05, 2009
Former U.S. representative William Jefferson was convicted today (Aug. 5) on 11 of 16 bribery counts. A jury found that Jefferson, a Democrat from Louisiana who was on the House Ways and Means trade subcommittee, had used his position to...

Robber in Gorilla Suit Foiled by Worker With Meat Cleaver

Posted on August 04, 2009
Police in Conway, Florida, reported that a worker at Jimmy's Japanese Hibachi was taking out the trash last Monday night when a man in a gorilla suit appeared and punched him in the head. The worker fled into the restaurant,...

We Regret The Error

Posted on August 04, 2009
From the California version of The Recorder on August 3, 2009: Understandable. In this business, it is often hard to tell those two concepts apart. Link: Law.com (free registration required).

Court: Illegal-Entry Charge Corroborated By Fence-Climbing, Bush-Hiding

Posted on August 04, 2009
I am not unsympathetic to the plight of the immigrant, legal or illegal, but I also think this is probably the right decision. The Ninth Circuit affirmed today the conviction of Javier Garcia-Villegas, who was convicted of illegally attempting to...

Mexican Navy Invades Cancun to Prevent Beach-Stealing

Posted on August 03, 2009
In what is likely its most dramatic and successful operation to date, the Mexican Navy seized a beach in Cancun on July 30, not to retake it from a foreign enemy but to get the sand back. Tourists at the...

Bank Teller Fired For Catching Robber

Posted on August 03, 2009
Jim Nicholson, a bank teller in Seattle, heroically chased and subdued a man who tried to rob his bank last Tuesday. On Thursday his employer, Key Bank, somewhat less heroically fired him. Nicholson was working when a man in sunglasses...

LucasFilm Employee Alleges She Was Called An "Ewok"

Posted on July 31, 2009
From yesterday's report of filings in San Francisco Superior Court: Tabitha Totah v. Lucasfilm Entertainment Company Ltd., CGC-09-490959 (7/30/09) Employment complaint for race discrimination, sexual harassment and wrongful termination. The plaintiff was fired because, as her supervisor said, "You needed...

Judge Who Lost Pants Loses Another Suit

Posted on July 31, 2009
It seems that our old friend Roy L. Pearson, Jr., he of the $65 million pants, has recovered sufficiently from losing that case to get on with losing another one. This one was a wrongful-termination lawsuit against the District of...

Swine-Flu Defense Fails In DUI Case

Posted on July 30, 2009
Back in the day, as I recall, we blamed (or tried to blame) el Niño for pretty much everything, but now it seems to be swine flu - I mean, the H1N1 virus. At least, blaming H1N1 is apparently all...

Punch Another Monopoly Player, Go Directly to Jail

Posted on July 30, 2009
That headline is a little obvious, but it's really the only one for this story. Police in Fraser, Michigan, reported that a 54-year-old man assaulted a female friend with whom he was playing Monopoly on Saturday night. Police appeared to...

Another Animal-Attack Lawsuit Fails: Humans Now 0-5

Posted on July 29, 2009
On Point News reports that last week, a West Virginia jury rejected the claims of a man who blamed his employer's negligence for injuries he suffered when he was attacked by a goose. Based on my studies of somewhat similar...

Judge Dismisses "Super American Grand Jury" Indictment Against Obama

Posted on July 28, 2009
A federal judge in D.C. recently dismissed a grand-jury indictment charging President Obama with treason. You may not have been aware that the President had actually been indicted for treason, which normally would be fairly big news. But it appears...

Law Review Article Titles: Stop the Madness

Posted on July 27, 2009
I know there are a lot of examples of this kind of thing out there, unfortunately, but I just happened to come across this one recently: YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDNEYING ME!: The Fatal Problem of Severing Rights and Remedies...

How to Avoid Jury Duty, #7: Die

Posted on July 24, 2009
A woman in Arlington, Washington, said her husband would not be reporting for jury duty as ordered on June 24, because he had been dead since 2005. Finally, an absolutely ironclad excuse for getting out of jury duty. County officials...

Appropriate-Shoe-Motion Case Ends in Mistrial After Jurors Read About Motion

Posted on July 24, 2009
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a case in Florida in which the plaintiff's attorney had filed a motion to compel defense counsel to wear appropriate shoes. Bill Bone argued in the motion that it was "well known...

Man Has Perfectly Believable Story About Why He Was Naked In a Cemetery

Posted on July 23, 2009
Oh, for the simpler times when we could all leave our doors unlocked, our phones weren't all tapped, and the authorities were less cynical and would accept at face value your explanations for why you were butt-naked in a cemetery...

Nevada Supreme Court to Pretend to Consider Bail for O.J.

Posted on July 21, 2009
Nevada's highest court (and its only appellate court) will hear oral argument on August 3 as to whether O.J. Simpson should be allowed to go free on bond while he appeals his conviction for that gun-waving memorabilia negotiation he conducted...

Honesty Maybe Not The Best Policy If It Involves You And A 14-Year-Old

Posted on July 20, 2009
In June, the Salt Lake Tribune reported that a 23-year-old driver who had been pulled over for failing to use his blinker was arrested after volunteering the fact that, in addition to not being so good with turn signals, he...

Lawyer Jailed for Contempt Is Freed After 14 Years

Posted on July 20, 2009
Pennsylvania lawyer H. Beatty Chadwick either could not or really did not want to hand over the $2.5 million his ex-wife was awarded after their divorce, and he was prepared to go to jail for contempt rather than do so....

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